macau makes a good first impression…

Landed in Macau last night and headed straight to the PokerStars party hoping they would have free Kobe burgers. They didn’t, but they had some entertainment which made me forget my hunger momentarily.

Scattered around the party, PokerStars had hired something like 30 pole-dancers. It was all very risque and borderline faboulous. My delicate sensibilities were offended which was good.

I left the party to check into the hotel and when I returned, everyone had headed off to the clubs. Celina invited me up to TonyD’s room so I thought I’d head up and see what crazy shenanigans those boys were up to. I walked into a middle of a conversation about the value of c/r’ing AQ on a low dry board.

Taking this as an omen, I decided to get some food and grab an early night’s sleep in preparation for what could well be the last live tourney I shall ever play.

The city here is pretty amazing and the insanely huge new Venetian hotel towers over the skyline. Someone said it was the biggest or 2nd biggest building in the world, which sounds about right. The city is clean, organised and appears wonderfully rich and efficient. I had a small chuckle when I exchanged some cash at a vendor proudly advertising their rates with a large sign declaring “No Commission Charged”. They were buying AUD at 6.4 and selling at 7.5 but, hey, they don’t charge commission.

English is not widely spoken here so I stumbled around the hotel restaurants before deciding to take the safe option and order room service. The food here is just amazing - its really ridiculous, I may have to move here just for the food.

For some reason I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up late watching Friday Night Lights. The 2nd season is on Torrents now. FNL is really very addictive, and it will do a good job of carrying me through to Jan when S7 of Shield and S5 of Wire start back up.

I woke up very tired and headed down to the tourney, wondering what compulsive disorder makes me do this to myself. The dealers were mostly pretty terrible (and that’s being polite) but my table was friendly and soft so it wasn’t too painful for the first few hours.

I built up to near double stack after a few hours when a fairly loose player opened in LP with a small raise, SB called and I called with 64h in the BB. The flop was Kh-9d-5h I think. Checked to raiser who c-bet, SB flashed QQ as he folded (no 3bet pre and ck/f flop wtf?), I checkraised just under pot, effectively putting the initial raiser all-in. He tanked for a very long time, even moving his cards over the fold line at one stage, finally putting his stack in against his better judgement, showing down AA. Ok, tough spot, poor guy - it was good he took 5 min to decide if his AA was worth playing there, he wouldn’t want to rush things with such a tough decision. Board blanked and I’m down to 6k.

I lose an 8k pot with QQ vs 77 to a shortstack all-in and I’m ready to go but I win two very small races with two tiny stacks just to prolong the pain.

Half hour before dinner break, I hit TP with KQo on Qd-5d-2d board and call a donk’s flop bet. He slowrolls KKd. Slowrolling is awesome, I might start doing it if I ever play live poker again - why not if its not penalised.

I might play the 15k event as its 6handed I think but most likely not. Live poker is pretty retarded obv….in 6 hours there is no way we played more than 80 hands, maybe even a lot less. 15k is also a hell of a lot of money and it would suck to get deep and not cash…

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sigh.

0/5 in Day 2’s…

I’m going to win one of these things one day and still be running bad overall I think.

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sick blur tilt, smoking rubble, another campaign bombed like dresden…

Had the PokerNews Cup ME yesterday. I knew this tourney would be one of the softest fields ever for a mid-range tournament as PokerNews has qualified almost half the field through freerolls with most of the rest qualifying through satellites.

I was nervous about spending yet another full day with live poker players, who freak me out a little if they talk to me, but my first few tables were quite enjoyable. Straight up, I had Damonas from PokerNews and Peter Pratis on my first one, and I played pretty crappy for the first level, trying to bluff in retarded spots and running AK into sets a couple times. Before I knew it, I was down to 4 or 5k after an hour and probably should have been on the rail had either of the sets played their hands a bit less strong.

I doubled up a couple times before getting moved to the “tv” table with Vos and Sammy Khouiss and Jason Gray who are all quite entertaining, so a few hours flew by and I peddled up a bit to 40k when I got moved to what has to be the softest table I’ve ever played at. Everyone limping, playing hands very soft, folding a lot, it was beautiful. Ran QQ into JJ and lost a decent pot, ran AQ into AJ and lost a decent pot but it didn’t matter on that table as any 1/2 player could cruise easily just picking up pots as if it was 2004.

Unfortunately our glorious table broke and I got moved a couple more times before I found myself on a soft, but laggy table. A guy I’ve played with before who definitely knows what he’s doing opens UTG for 3k, I wake up with QQ over-raise a little to 11k and he tanks and pushes AI with AKo. I call and win the race, doubling to about 70k.

I get moved again to the table from hell (my 7th table for the day I think). My table has Julian Powell who is very good and laggy, Eric Assadourian who is very tough and laggy, Aleks Lackovic who is laggy and impossible to put on a hand so he’s very tough to play, and some other guys I don’t know who are pretty slick and definitely know what they’re doing. There is lots of raising going on, I pick a couple good spots and pick up some little pots with 3bets. Julian is steaming a bit after being 4-outed in a big pot by this young American guy and I raise into both of them on the button with JT. The US kid calls and the flop is KJx 2h. We both check (I’ve been doing lots of pot control with marginal hands all day against people I think are capable of making moves, as I think I get moved off a lot with the best hand in tourneys). Turn is a T, he leads out, I just call as I think he folds everything I beat if I raise. River A, we both check and he has AT so I sigh and muck. Probably the worst hand I played in the day.

I build up a little bit more and run AK into a short-stack’s AA and get some genuine luck in a small pot when the first 4 cards are spades. I’m up to about 120k with about 15 min left in the day and Aleks has been forcing me to drink. I get drunk ridiculously easy so am already a bit messy after just a few drinks but its almost the end of the day so I figure its ok. Aleks opens UTG, I wake up with KK on the button and pot it, SB with close to avg stack, pushes AI with QQ. I call, and with the avg at 55k, I lose an 80k pot when a Q peels. Over 80% equity but standard for me in tourneys these days, I’m actually fine but everyone is commiserating, which makes me think maybe I shouldn’t be fine and I start getting a bit tilted. I open AJ and its folded to Aleks in SB who is a great guy but very drunk at the time I think and thinks its just a blind battle. He’s making to raise the short stack BB, I quickly realise this could work out really good for me if I stay quiet as if Aleks over-raises (which he’s been doing a lot, and is totally fine against a short-stack), it could reopen the action and I can push in and pick up an easy 15k. Inaction is an action though, and to stay quiet would be unethical, so I yell at Aleks that I’m still in, he goes “oh shit” and thanks me, and just calls. The flop is A-9s-8s and he openpushes for 30k. The pot is about 15k and I’ve played a lot with Aleks and am way ahead of his range here. A better Ace, 99/88 raises me pre with his stack I think so I just have to worry about A9 or A8. Aleks can also genuinely have like 44 in a spot like this, so after a long time, I call and he shows A9 after a long time, probably just an accidental slowroll but it tilts me a bit after I did the right thing and let him know I was still in the pot.

I’m steaming by this stage, with about 4 min left in the day, I pick up QQ and open, Julian calls behind and another quiet, good player, calls in the BB. Flop is Kd-Td-x, I fire, Julian puts me all in quickly for 40k, BB folds, I muck in disgust and yell “fukkkkk” in frustration. In WSOP this is a 10 min penalty, but I ask the dealer if there is any penalty for swearing and I’m told “no there isn’t” so mostly as a joke, I yell “FUKKKK” again but it felt good. No penalty = awesome.

Crown has some great dealers, but there is some ridiculously bad dealers here also and I’ve had a few of them today. I really dislike paying high vigs and being given crappy dealers in return, and I’ve been gentle with lazy or poorly trained dealers all day but late in the day, I raise, get called a few times, dealer doesn’t give me my change (about the 5th time today that’s happened) so I tell him to do his f job and stop being lazy. Apparently, someone blogged about what a wanker I was over this situation, and they’re probably right, I could have been meek and nice like I’ve been all day with dealer mistakes but I’d just had enough. I mean, some of the dealers can’t even work the table without help, antes flip them out and complicated things like counting an AI the bad ones get right about 25% of the time. It frustrates me when casinos put dealers of this level on the floor. Maybe they’re not getting paid enough and need to get paid more to attract higher quality, maybe the training isn’t adequate, maybe they’re just lazy, whatever - this stuff shouldn’t be the norm.

The day ends, in the last 15 min I lost almost 100k and now I have to peddle a short-stack today. After 20 minutes of waiting, no one is coming to bag our chips, I’ve had just about enough after 12 hours of live poker so I’m on sick tilt, I can see us all waiting an hour while a single FM tries to bag 150 players’ chips over the next 90 minutes. Arul sees I’m about to lose the plot, and gets me out of the situation, telling me to chill and go home, I realise he speaks wisely so I just walk off, leaving the chips there. Seriously tempted to not bother showing up for Day 2 today, but I probably still have a couple thousand equity in the tourney, and I’m a bit too nitty to blow it off - also I’ve done some swaps, so I’m forced to go down, go through the motions, get eliminated and that will be yet another promising campaign burned up in a heap of tilt and pain. Sigh.

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seoul riggdness…

Busted out of Main Event pretty early today, I started a bit short but felt pretty good about my chances as I have a lot of short-stack play under my belt so was ready to pick some good spots and build. Spent the first 90 min folding, couldn’t find a playable hand (I can be nitty but I’m talking about anything like 64s in SB to CO/Button raise is a monster - couldn’t get anything - of course everyone else waking up with AA/KK and minraising obv, it was pretty sexy stuff).

After hour and half, antes/blinds starting to eat a bit and I’m down to 17k when its folded to me in the CO. I have 44 which is the best hand I’ve seen in the day, and the two blinds players are super tight and weak. I open to take the blinds/antes and if either of the blinds raise me, I have to fold. Button is very loose and if he raises me, I think I have to call as he’s already pushed his short stack over quite a lot of late position raises. I decide its worth the gamble and open, button insta-pushes his 15k. Obv spot not great but I think I have to call so I do. He has JJ and I’m left with 2k and its basically all over. I have a really bad record on Day 2’s of tourneys, I’ve never done well on a 2nd day. I don’t know if its a bad play what I did, but its just not in me to openfold a pair in CO, I just can’t play that way. I think the call vs the loose short stack is ok, I think his range there is pretty wide, I don’t really know, tourneys are a bit weird. Maybe I could have nursed a little bit longer as blinds/antes ground into me but meh - tourneys are gay. If open-folding 44 in the CO is correct whatever, I can’t openfold there. There’s some really terrible players with massive stacks left, but that’s the way these things go I suppose. Rekrul is a machine and he’s gonna crush the final table tomorrow unless he runs pretty bad.

—-

Russian tourney started a few hours later which I was pretty excited about - actually, its the main reason I ended up coming to Seoul. Very little interest in the tourney though unfortunately. Traheho the wimp must have been tilted and flew out or something as he was no-show. I convinced my mate Gaz to play and we started with a total of 5 players. Everyone was pretty drunk and in jovial spirits but the tourney was a shitfight. The TD had no real clue what was going on, the dealer had never dealt Russian, everyone except me decided to play without bonus points which I think is retarded as I got out-voted. I think that situation is a bit ridiculous as if 90% of the players showed up to a HE tourney and voted to make straights beat flushes, no way does the TD just change the rules of the game - these things aren’t an election. As everyone was in jovial spirits, and it was just a little fun tourney, I agreed to the dumb rule change.

Once we got things underway and after I had to crack the whip on the lazy TD, things progressed a bit more smoothly. Carlene from Crown (now from PokerStars) did a great job with the timer and with drink ordering and we got smashed pretty quickly. Carlene doesn’t muck around. Most idiots like myself order 1 or 2 drinks at a time - Carlene orders 10 at a time which is obv best line. Hiroshi was first out, and despite being an almost unbackable favourite leading into the event, I ran sick bad to get eliminated next. It got HU between Potter and Gaz with Gaz down to 50 chips (Potter had 9950). As only Gaz can do, he won 90% of hands from that point to win the title.

I run pretty bad on house edge, and this trip has cost me around 8k but its been ok. Less jokers here than at most tourneys, so tilt has been kept to a minimum, even though I die a little inside whenever someone hands me a bill. This city is really expensive, I could never live here.

I’m going to the DMZ tomorrow which I’m pretty excited about. I hope war breaks out, should be fun…

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seoul appt…

So of course I ended up going to Seoul even though I swore never to play another tournament again. My oaths are not worth much obv.

After racing through Manila traffic to get to the airport on time after totally pwning traheho in Russian online, I find my plane is delayed by an hour. Standard. I go to the Emirates lounge to jump online, lose 1500 in half hour to traheho, tilt. In this really tricky hand, the bus boy clearing the tables stops to chat with me, even though I’m obv busy. I always try to be polite (especially on JokerNetwork) but I was concentrating hard on the hand, running out of time, and I ignored him to concentrate. I realise its rude to ignore people talking to you, but I think its rude to harass someone who is working on something, and two rudes make a polite. The bus boy read my ignoring him as saying “hey why don’t we have a chat about really boring generic questions” like “Where are you flying to today Sir?” and “What’s your name?” and “What are you doing on your computer?” Bad read bus boy, bad read. He then touched me to get my attention which I hate, can’t stand random touchy people - wtf? I will never understand why people touch people they don’t know. I screwed the hand bad as a result, costing myself $600 and maybe I was a bit harsh after, but I think he learned a valuable lesson that day - wipe tables, stay quiet, don’t touch and disturb random strangers especially if they’re tilting. Not unreasonable I think. I can’t stand retarded unnecessary boring small talk, it tilts me bad. I felt bad though cause he looked like he was about to cry so I tipped him his weekly salary when I left. When I worked in a cocktail bar, so long as people tipped big, they could basically say and do whatever they liked.

Manila airport is the most retarded airport ever. I would wager dirt airstrips in the Congo are more efficient than Manila airport. If you consider yourself a Zen master, I suggest you test yourself with Ninoy Aquino airport in Manila, its ridiculous. The airport in KL is the greatest airport I’ve ever seen, its amazing. People think Changi in Singapore is a good airport but those people haven’t been to KL. KL airport pwns Changi. We walk past a massage place in KL aiport named “Stress-Free Massage” and Jethro says “That’s the most redundant store in the world.” We were so relaxed by the awesome efficiency we almost missed our plane.

I arrived in Seoul and discovered it might be the most expensive city in the world. Very few people speak English which results in some tilting situations for a dumb foreigner like me who can’t communicate. I decided I was not baller enough to pay the $140 cab fare from airport to city, so went off in search of a bus. Quite the adventure at 6am in the morning after a red-eye flight.

I arrived 2 hours later at the Sheraton, which is really a great hotel, but everything is joke expensive. I tried to check-in 4 hours early and was told I would need to pay a full day’s rate to do so. I stormed off to the casino next door on principle, knowing I would lose a lot more than it would cost me to check in 4 hours early and sleep.

No poker games going, lost 2k riggd blackjack, returned to hotel 2 hours before check in to kill time in lobby. Bought a coffee, got the bill: $20 usd. Awesome. Wireless didn’t work so I went to business centre, jumped online. After 20 min, I heard an American guy complain about the size of his net bill, and I thought I’d better log off JokerNetwork. 20 min net: $35 usd. Awesome. You’d have to be a millionaire to live in this city.

——–

Slept and woke up for the PokerStars party which was suprisingly good, as far as these things go. They had these $30 Kobe one-inch mini burgers there for free, so I ate 8 of them. Thank you PokerStars. They were the most sexy burgers I’ve ever eaten.

Got pretty drunk, main event the next day so I decided to get some more sleep but got into a Russian game online with my mate Scotty and peddled him for 4k which was hot, I run good in Russian now.

——-

Got to bed very late but woke up feeling healthy for the tourney for a change. Got a really easy table straight up, peddled my way to about 20k when I maybe made a big mistake but it worked out great for me. This fish got moved to our table and open limped every single hand. He limpcalled my raise when I had AQ and the flop came As-2s-6d. I bet, he minraised, I looked at his stack which looked pretty small so 3bet allin. He insta-calls and drags out a stack of 1k chips hidden behind his greens. I felt sick, I’ve just put in something like 200bb with TP2K and he insta-called my 3bet. Turns out he just had flush draw, blank-blank and I go to chip leader in the tourney.

Our table goes down to 6 players for awhile and I was able to play a bit more comfortably - full ring is really hard, I am donkey in FR. I get up over 55k about half way through the day when things start getting tougher when people start playing back at me which is never good.

I lose a bit back, go to dinner with the PokerNews guys ($200 mains - good food but ridiculous expensive, fancy food is wasted on me, I am a Philistine - thanks Gaz for dinner anyway), get back to my awesome soft table to find we’re breaking. I move to my new table with 40k where a young shaggy-haired, bearded guy is playing super laggy but I can tell very quickly he’s got a bit of something going on which is disconcerting for me as I suck bad against good lags.

I tell myself not to tangle with him as he is very smooth, very aggressive, impossible to read. I’ve busted out of some many tournaments trying to play back at good lags, its sick. As luck would have it, this guy turns out to be 2+2 legend Rekrul who won a wsop HU bracelet this year. Of course when I find that out, I get all giddy like a schoolgirl, but I try to be James Cox baller cool cause I want him to like me. Usually, this means I try not to say much, so I just mostly stayed quiet as he pummeled the table. He smashed our table to bits, opening 50% of hands pre but always seeming to have the goods when people make a stand, and managing to get people to stack off in massive pots with air against him, usually a sign of a pretty good player and something I can almost never achieve.

Of course I get endless rags whenever facing good lags, and not wanting to be another of his victims I mostly stayed out of his way, playing really embarassingly nitty and pulling only the very rare 3bet and a couple squeeze plays, desperating trying to hold on to my 40k stack. With 2 min left in the day, he opened the button into my BB and I 3bet to 11k with air thinking he would assume I would not make a move with so little time before the day ends, but he insta-pushes on me and I feel stupid and fold. I would bet a lot he had rags that hand as he seems to like to call 3bets a lot in position, so the 4bet push didn’t really make sense to me, but I had 7 high and good players like that just read your soul and punish you, its freaky. He might be an alien but I have no hard evidence either way.

So I head into day 2 a bit shortstacked with 25k (avg 35k I think). I’m not on Rekrul’s table tomorrow so I have an outside chance.

———-

Rekrul was telling me they have these clubs here called “booking clubs” which sound pretty fun. I don’t fully understand the concept but apparently normal girls (ie not working girls) go there knowing they will be dragged into random guys’ booths where I guess they get free drinks. I’ll investigate further and report….

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appt

Ear drum much better, healing already. Doc said will heal on its own in a month. Still a bit painful though when swallowing or yawning.

Went out night before with all the Aus boys, got pretty drunk, dropped/lost $2500 usd somewhere as I was so wasted. Was pretty tilted from that, hate stupid expensive mistakes like that.

Slept a lot last night, woke up, felt like crap. Put up with 1 hour taxi ride in heat to Hyatt through Manila traffic moving at about 10km an hour. Sick tired and tilted by time I arrived.

Tournament very well organised, except absolutely no drink/food service for first 2-3 hours. Went to pick up food in the middle of level 2, spent 15 tilted minutes running around Hyatt dealing with endless morons. Returned to table with no food. Beyond tilted.

Super donkey next to me won’t stop talking to me. Trying to tell me about his poker energy drinks company. Asks me whether trips beats 2 pair. I put in my headphones. He pulls one out and asks if he can share my iPod. He touches me on arm twice to get my attention as I’m ignoring him. I pray for his death. He doesn’t die. Beyond tilted.

It’s freezing in the poker room. I’m shivering and yawning. Ear drum feels like its about to explode every time I yawn but I can’t stop for some reason. Forgot to bring jacket. It’s 35 degrees outside and humid. I forgot that in every hot city, they always make it freezing inside any closed area.

Had KK twice in first level (25/50). 1st KK, I raise after early nit limper, he calls. Flop 9-6-5 rainbow, he checks, I bet pot, he calls. Turn 5. Check/check. River 2 he bets 75% pot, he wants call so bad, I figure I can muck here and save myself some money but I call. He has 99. Alec Traheo on my table can’t believe I didn’t get it on turn, I say I figure I could have saved 1500 by folding river. Alec doesn’t believe me.

A few hands later, I raise with red KK, fish calls, another guy calls. Flop J-9c-8c. I bet, both players call. Turn 4h, I check, fish bets, other guy folds, I call. River 8, I check, fish bets small, I call. He has K8 no draw. I’m down to 4k. I peddle off some more calling with pairs, missing flops, down to 2k, I openlimp AA in MP, folded to Alec who puts me in with AJo, I giggle like a live poker loving fag would and double up to 4k.

Old guy on my other side who snapped my KK with his 99 wants to talk about a recent bad beat he’s suffered. I try ignore him. He won’t stop. I ask him to stop. He won’t stop. I beg him to stop. He won’t stop. I pray for his death. He doesn’t die. Beyond tilted.

Alec raises a guy in a big pot, and the guy just calls, leaving himself about 2500 (pot is about 15k). Alec bets 1500 on river and the guy thinks for 6 minutes before I call clock on him and he folds in pretend agony. Beyond tilted. Want to scream. Thinking violent thoughts. Consider throwing remaining chips at villain’s head. Decide to peddle my short stack instead. Regret decision in hindsight.

I peddle down to 2k calling a few more pairs that miss flops, button openraises, I push AQ in BB, he has AA, game over.

Tournaments are fucken retarded.

Full ring is fucken retarded.

Live poker is beyond fucken retarded. We were doing a racy 15 hands per hour.

Live poker players are fucken retarded. I hate them so much. I hate them more than is reasonably sane to hate human beings. So awesome when you’re pumping along at 15 hands an hour, and a live player takes 6 min to pretend he has something when he’s ALWAYS going to fold. And then he folds.

I will never play live poker or a live tournament ever again. I know I say it all the time, but I really mean it this time. I don’t know why I put myself through that tilt. It’s sick.

After Alec busts out with full house cooler, I peddle 1k off him playing Russian on sick upswing. Get off tilt marginally. Swear once again to never play live poker or tournaments ever again. Go home, write this, sleep.

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