moving on…

I’m having a pretty bad week.

After grinding 3/6 for like 30 hrs the other day for a few k profit running terribly, I followed a fish up to 25/50 and dropped 30k in like an hour in the most ridiculous circumstances.

So I’m in watching movies / collect on debts mode now, which is my standard routine when I don’t feel like playing. This is because I like to punish myself, as 90% of movies suck despite one’s best efforts to filter out the trash, and trying to collect on debts is an exercise in pure futility.

Add in the fact that I got scammed for 11k the other day by buying a prop account which I almost immediately find out are readily available for free, and I’m having a pretty bad week.

So, in retrospect, it was probably not a good time to leave the safety of my little hermit compound and do admin which I’d been putting off for weeks - but I’ve only ever been wise in hindsight.

I had a few small errands to run in Manila and my tilt was growing rapidly at my inability to get even the simplest things done, with each errand taking 20x the time it would take in Aust/US/Europe. Running out of time before the banks closed, I rushed to my local HSBC Premier (VIP banking because I’m a pimp) only to find my wonderful Premier Account Manager Hazel was on holidays.

I tried to remain calm as I needed to quickly convert 50k USD cash into AUD to take advantage of the recent AUD 30% crash in value, as I’m not sure how long the AUD will stay this weak.

When Hazel is around, I wait an avg of 8 seconds before she professionally handles all my banking needs whilst I sip on a peppermint tea, however without Hazel, it became quickly apparent that HSBC Premier in Rockwell is a house of insanity and tilt.

I waited patiently for 15 min before the receptionist claimed she could convert my currency. I had my doubts about her ability to do this, but as the job was so simple, I told myself only a moron would be unable to do it and I mistakenly entered into discourse with her. My initial doubts proved to be well-founded when she kept insisting USD > AUD rate was 0.69. I patiently tried to explain to her that I was converting in the other direction. Despite having no success in previous attempts with this method, I used stick figures, lines, and various forms of written communication to try and get my message across. I had no luck. She was determined to give me AU$34,500 for my US$50,000. Obviously this was unacceptable to me.

After 10 minutes of frustration, I lost my temper and told her I could no longer deal with someone as stupid as she was. At this point, the assistant branch manager walked in and offered to assist me. The receptionist was in tears. I felt a little bit bad, but told myself (and the assistant branch manager) that she should not be working in a bank with her level of intelligence.

Things got ugly at this point. The assistant branch manager also insisted on giving me 34,500 aud for my 50k usd. I was starting to lose the plot trying to explain to these morons basic currency exchange rates and how one must be careful not to fall into the hugely complex trap of multiplying when one should be dividing by the listed exchange rate. The assistant branch manager then made the almost fatal error of patronising me, trying to explain to me that rates “fluc-tu-ate” (she said this very slowly as if I was stupid). At this point, I lost the plot and coldly crushed her, telling her that she was too stupid to work in a call centre, let alone in a VIP banking facility. She also burst into tears.

With 4 staff in the building, I had reduced 50% of the workforce into tears and I’d be lying if I said I was feeling much guilt at this point. The whole process was passing the 30 min mark and I was losing my ability to cope with stupidity of this magnitude.

The branch manager came in to see what all the fuss was about. With two of his female staff members crying, understandably, he was not conducive to sympathy towards my issue - that being, I just wanted to fucking convert fucking USD into fucking AUD and I didn’t see how or why it had to be so much fucking tilt. I probably shouldn’t have used language almost identical to that, because it shocked him and also made him stupid. He also insisted the exchange rate was 0.69 and attempted to patronise me by explaining how exchange rates work. I was going insane in a world of retardation and wondering if, maybe, they were all sane and I was the one in need of a straight-jacket.

People who know me well will understand how I was reacting at this point - I am not proud of my behaviour when confronted with stupidity of this magnitude, but in my defence, we’re talking easy 8.0 on the Richter Scale of stupidity.

Somehow, through the sobs of his staff members, and my yelling, it somehow clicked in his mind what I was trying to say about reversing the direction and he realised he needed to divide 50k by 0.69 to give me the equivalent amount in AUD. I almost cried at this point, such was the level of emotion running through the building.

It then took 10 min to get the paperwork ready for my conversion, at the correct rate, which was, of course, 1 divided by 0.69 = 1.45. I know, complex stuff, only took almost an hour and lots of tears before the job was done - welcome to Manila.

He then gave me a lecture about my language to his female staff members, which was fair in parts, and I felt bad enough that I then spent half an hour buying chocolates and alcohol for them, gift-wrapping it all with “I’m Sorry” cards attached. As they have my home address, hopefully now I get to live tonight.

——-

In any case, and this has been a very long time coming, I’m leaving Manila. Where to, I do not know yet, but the options are as follows:

1. Bangkok - I know a lot of Scandi poker players in Bangkok and it would be the easist move, as far as international moves go. I like Bangkok, and I think 30% of the population speaks English, and as I know so many people there, it would be a fairly tilt-free existence I think.

2. Brisbane - Vos, Roy and maybe Harris are considering buying a ridiculous $2 mil pimping place in New Farm. This would be pretty fun, but Brisbane is so quiet, and whilst I love Vos, we fight a lot if we spend too much time together.

3. Buenos Aires - cons: no one speaks English at all, bill before Parliament attempting to make online poker illegal. pros: lots of expats there, recently appear to have decriminalised drugs.

4. Columbia - this one is my favourite atm. Friends of a very close friend of mine have recently moved there after spending years in Iraq (initially as special forces types, then working in private security, i.e. bodyguards). They’re opening up hostels there as they claim tourism is booming - they’ve invited my friend and I to visit once their first hostel is built and invest in one of their subsequent hostels if we like what we see, which I’m sure will be a given. Only problem is I’m not sure if my definition of “safe” is the same as theirs. I’m a wimp and they are like SAS Iraq veterans so….

Pros for Columbia: This blog will get a WHOLE lot more interesting fast….

Cons for Columbia: I might die.

———–

For getting to the end of this long post, I reward you with 2 min of Ricky Gervais and Clive Owen awesomeness:

Posted in Random |

9 Responses to “moving on…”

9 Comments »

1. I can imagine your currency situation felt a lot like the Verizon customer service call where noone could seem to understand the difference between .02 cents and .02 dollars. I think he may have handled it a little better than you though

   Comment by time4badbeat — October 23, 2008 @ 10:58 pm

2. come live in KL. heaps better than manila or bangkok imo

   Comment by chucky — October 24, 2008 @ 6:27 am

3. I was half wetting myself / half crying about the currency exchange. Ah the memmories. Many years ago when the exchange rate was 51-52 cents on the dollar, i too had the same experience in St Martin - Caribbean. I was far less balla with only 5kUSD. Its hard to explain basic maths to a group of people who have the “Every Ting Cool Mon” attitude and more 2″ coke nails than you can poke a stick at.

   Comment by Peter — October 24, 2008 @ 7:23 am

4. I wouldn’t buy any property at the moment - tell those guys to rent now, and buy in a few years when prices are 40-50% cheaper…

   Comment by RabbitHunter — October 24, 2008 @ 10:17 am

5. I prefer this approach:
   “So that means, if I gave you AU$34,500, you’ll give me US$50,000?”
   “Ah, you’re getting it now!”
   “Yes, I’m a bit slow. Can I have that in writing please?”

   Comment by RabbitHunter — October 24, 2008 @ 10:31 am

6. Skip all those non-English speaking countries. It is beyond tilting not being able to communicate with people

   Comment by Paul — October 24, 2008 @ 12:07 pm

7. lol RabbitHunter beat me to it…you should have converted your net worth into $US @ $1.45. Then close ur account the next day and flee the country.
   Also Thailand/Phuket 10x > Manila imo.

   Comment by DangerDave — October 24, 2008 @ 2:29 pm

8. A friend of mine who lives in BKK just came from Manila claiming that filipinos are much smarter than thais (lots of retardation here too). I have to forward some posts to him.

   Seriously, come visit us here in BKK and see how much you like this place.

   Comment by Ville — October 26, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

9. you shouldve taken in 100,000 and asked them to conver that to U.S, then there would be no dramas and you wqoulld get approx. 163,000 (something like that)

   waited till your friend got back and then converted the US$163,000 back to AU

   ordinarily i would say that obv a bank isnt going to be this stupid,

   but from your description, i think i may move to manilla

   Comment by michael dunworth — November 5, 2008 @ 6:53 am

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