Stupid Dubya Moments.

As we near the end of Dubya’s reign over the world (maximum terms ftw), we can
celebrate some of the high points of the great man caught on video.

This moron told the press his nickname for Vladimir Putin, leader of one of the world’s great powers, was “Pootie-Poot”. This man was elected twice! Americans are retarded and I am going to make a killing on this election on Betfair.

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tourneys are retarded but I could sex obama…

Desperately needing about 8 hrs of sleep before the APT, I instead set my alarm for 10am to watch Obama deliver his nomination acceptance speech at the DNC live on CNN. I expected one of the great speeches in American political history and, although the style and cadence of the speech wasn’t what I expected, I wasn’t disappointed.

The speech was pretty amazing and spectacular in a low-key way. I wanted passion, emotion and fire - instead Obama delivered a composed but hard-hitting attack on Bush and McCain, summarising specific changes he would deliver when President, whilst still delivering in spectacular fashion the brilliant scriptwriting we have come to expect from the Obama communications team.

I’m rating the speech 7.5/10 overall with an 8/10 conclusion and some 9/10 and 10/10 soundbytes.

Here is a few minutes of the speech:

—–

Fired up by Obama’s brilliance, I went down to play the $5300 APT Macau ME. I found myself on Grunter’s left, on a very soft table. I was splashing chips around a bit, when I raised BTN, SB 3bet me, I called with JTs. Flop J73 r or something, SB bet like 25% pot, I raised, he reluctantly called. Turn safe, he took a long time before checking, I pushed and he went into the tank. I was almost certain he had 88/99 but the longer he thought, the more certain I was that I was going to get him to fold Queens. He finally called with a sigh of despair and flipped AA. lol @ tourneys. Tough spot for 70bb hand in 3bet pot - spastic. I was down to under 3k when SB raised to 600 and I pushed with K3s. He instacalls with KJ and I spike the 3. I opened CO with 99 and didn’t get any action. Grunter was chipping up fast, stacking two guys with sets. He then opened BTN into my BB and I called with ATcc. Flop KsQc4s. I check, he cbets, I call. Turn 7c. I have about pot and push into him, he instacalls with QQ and I miss my 11 outs or whatever - gg. Grunter is a sicko, 4 pairs, 4 sets in about 20-30 hands. He’s the best.

—–

In the last few years of travel and tourneys, I’ve seen some pretty horrendous dealers. I’ve seen cheating dealers and corrupt dealers and incompetent dealers. But I’ve never seen dealers so retarded as some of the dealers here in Macau. Yesterday, their mistakes cost me thousands of USD. If you abuse dealers here, you can go to prison - but that didn’t really stop me too much.

I cannot stand stupid people and I cannot stand people who suck at their jobs. Sure, there is a transitional or learning stage when starting any new job - but there is also a point where if you’re too retarded to work out what 5% is of 1800 after a month or two of dealing, you should probably kill yourself. If your stupid mistakes are costing players thousands and thousands of USD, you should not be dealing a poker game with US$500,000 on the table, but perhaps you should be working a factory line or scrubbing floors or picking up trash on the highway.

I almost got evicted from the poker room yesterday when I was furious at a sick dealer error which cost my friend about 4k usd - the pit boss made a terrible decision and ruled against my friend, who immediately picked up his remaining chips and left in disgust. I was told if I continued to express my opinion, I would be evicted from the casino. I don’t like being censured, especially if I happen to be right.

Today, one of the most incompetent dealers in history dealt about 5 hands, making a mistake every hand and I slammed a chip on the table which she didn’t change up - the chip slipped out of my hand and bounced across the table. It looked semi-bad but this girl was easily retarded or learning-disabled or something. Anyway, she should be in some kind of state care and not dealing a poker game. I was fairly told off by the poker room manager (he was cool about it, just explaining that due to the law, he has to protect the dealers) as the chip slipping out of my hand when I tried to slam it in front of her looked pretty bad. But I was too angry to continue playing, so I picked up my ball and went home.

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one f insane day.

Today was f insane - no other word can describe it. I won the biggest pot of my life in a 13/26nl cash game. 1500bb effective stacks, UTG opens, I call CO with T6s, maniac button 3bets big, UTG calls, I call ofc.

Flop 666.

UTG checks, I check trying not to shake knowing there is a pretty good chance I’m going to get stack in by river if Button maniac has AA/KK.

Button just pushes like 35k usd into the 3k pot. UTG tanks for ages and finally folds (I think JJ, *maybe* QQ). I am in shock as I check-call all in for 35k. 78k usd pot. The maniac and I were pretty friendly leading up to the insane hand, and he just laughed and clapped my back. He showed me KK and mucked. I’m like “Dude, you have outs” and flipped over his hand - then I thought, “wtf am I saying? 990:1 or whatever, don’t tempt fate.” He insists on mucking, dealer about to muck his cards but as his cards were tabled, I decide right thing to do is insist on dealer dealing out the hand. Turn safe, King river. If I have Aces there, I think I probably quit poker.

We were talking about Louis the 13th cognac prior to the hand, so I bought him a bottle of it - 3k usd. Then we got insanely drunk off the cognac and the next 10-12hrs were a blur.

35 hr live session. Need to get some sleep and wake up for APT tomorrow but I kinda just want to keep grinding out the 25/50nl live games as the action is pretty sick.

—-

Rekrul is a f freak genius. We were playing a 25/50nl 4 handed game and he was carving us up. He opened UTG, Button calls, I call SB with T9s, BB calls. Flop TTT (I’ve flopped 3 x quads with non-pair hands in last 2 live sessions - pretty sick). It’s checked around on flop (I really should have led the flop here, I fuked that up good). Rekrul fires pot on turn 7, Button folds, I call, SB folds. River 4, I check, Rekrul bets, retarded dealer says “5000 is the bet” (HKD - about 7.6:1 usd). I raise it up to 20k and then notice Rekrul bet 9k, not 5k like the dealer said. Rekrul tanks, calls time on himself and folds AA - he’s a sicko.

I then got to pull off some nice bluffs on him later as the owner of the cardroom believes I’m a retarded nit live which is pretty funny imo, and gives me $$$ worth of free image advertising by going on and on about it. I folded for like 2 hrs previously (about 40 hands - just getting J2o, 93o etc over and over) and now he thinks I’m the tightest player in the world. I’m pretty sure Rekrul calls me off on some or most of my river bluffs if the owner of the cardroom (friends with Rekrul) wasn’t incessantly going on about how tight I am.

Tonight we played short for awhile with JC and Kenny Tran. I hadn’t played with either before - JC Tran was REALLY impressive, I thought he played pretty f hot. Kenny Tran seems like a great guy, but definitely seemed to be pretty big value in a 25/50 game. A lot of pros have started to arrive, so I think the 25/50 is going to get a bit ghey but I’m going to hang around after they all leave just in case games still get up like the cardroom manager claims they do every night.

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only queers and whores in macau.

I ran pretty bad in the leadup to arriving in Macau. Back in the day, I was a superstar air hockey player. I took on all challengers and never tasted from the bitter cup of defeat. But like many sports stars, I grew cocky and arrogant. I didn’t strive to perfect my technique, instead reveling in the glitz and glamour that is the professional world of air hockey.

Then one day, the unthinkable happened. I was defeated, by a girl. This was 4 years ago, back in the day when I was able to talk to lol girls without completely leveling myself with retardation. After my g/f defeated me, my confidence was shattered and I didn’t play for years. I was then challenged by my flatmate one day and nervously accepted - I was soundly beaten over and over and over. It was pretty sick. Things hit rock bottom when Vos and my flatmate crushed me over and over one day. I realised I could no longer compete with these young kids and their fancy nit defensive techniques with my old-school bare naked aggression at the net. I briefly considered suicide after the Vos defeat, but instead decided to never play again.

As a former champion, regular challenges were occasionally thrown my way, but I deftly avoided them Hellmuth style. Until yesterday when, on our way to watch the new X-Files movie (it’s a piece of shit film), we noticed a shiny air hockey table with a new feature I had not see before - “3-puck insanity”. At random points during the match, 2 extra pucks are shot onto the table creating the “3-puck insanity”.

Joel challenged me to a game, and I couldn’t resist. The first game I was beaten in a tight match. The second game, Joel threw up his arms in victory prematurely on game point, and I smashed a would-be winner straight into his dead paddle and it shot back into an own-goal (12-10 ftl ffs). The third game I was pretty tilted and found myself down 11-2 before slamming home 7 goals straight only to be robbed by time running out. I haven’t won an air hockey game in 4 years.

Depressed and furious, I headed to Macau with Joel. I have flown CebuPacific out of Terminal 1 about 10 times. We headed to Terminal 1 only to have the staff tell us we needed to hurry to Terminal 2 ffs. At Terminal 2, we raced in only for the staff to tell us Cebu flies out of Terminal 3. zomg. I was on crazed tilt. We arrived at Terminal 3 into a world of hilarious incompetence. We were forced to present our tickets no less than 6 times, including multiple times at the departure gate - I exchanged terse words with a sassy moron girl who demanded to see our tickets YET AGAIN as we were about to board the plane. As the plane is about to taxi off, some guy realises he’s on the wrong flight and we’re delayed for awhile as he is offloaded - what the fuken fuk is the point in presenting your tickets 6 times if the retards still let a guy heading to Singapore on a Macau flight?

Anyway, we land at Macau airport and Joel and I completely dominate the landing procedure, positioning ourselves perfectly to hit immigration first. We completely out-manouvered the jokers on our flight with brilliant positional play, but then some scum starts to run for immigration to overtake us. I don’t run, I’m not an animal, I have my dignity. Thankfully, Joel has none and blocked the running idiot with a solid play. We got through immigration first and then were the last to leave the airport when my bag was the last to arrive on the carousel. Pretty standard - get it in with KK and lose.

Macau is pure tilt. Hardly anyone speaks English, even at the Venetian. I had a 7 phone call conversation with the concierge trying to get the address for HSBC Premier. After 7 phone calls over 2 hours, they send up a phone number for normal HSBC. Spastics.

I noticed Tila Tequila is playing the APT charity event. I don’t think much of charity or of poker or of tournaments, but this is some action I wanted to get in on.

APT Support: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Jonny: Yea if you could seat me next to Tila for the Charity Event, there is a shiny trinket or two in it for you.

APT Support: : ) Are you a celebrity?

Jonny: Yea I’m pretty big in the ghey community.

APT Support: Is there anything else I can help you with?

—-

Kunts.

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busto then robusto.

I played another marathon session at Cake over the weekend. I started playing Saturday night around 11pm. Finished Monday morning at 10am. 35 hours straight. I’m really sick.

I was down $20,000 after about 20 hours, running bad and also playing the most retarded tilted poker I’ve played since starting out in 2006. Pure, utter tilt, donking off triple stacks in horrendous spots - I completely lost the plot. This was on top of $25,000 I dumped back from my first ever 30k day last week. 45k lost from high point in the softest 5/10 and 10/20nl games online.

I was physically nauseous at how bad I played. In last week’s crazy session, I played mostly brilliantly and lost 25k due to endless sickness. The 20k I lost Sunday morning was mostly just pure retardation. I’m a nit with money and to burn 20k in that style (pure tilt throwing away money) just made me want to vomit - it was about the lowest I’ve been emotionally from poker since 2006 when I dumped 25 buyins at 5/10nl in a day on pure insane “need medical help” tilt.

I’d pretty much busted the 50k I had in Cake after I withdrew 40k last week. I had about 3k left and I swore I wouldn’t deposit again as I was playing so horribly. I tried to sleep but my stomach was in knots, I just wanted to throw up. I was playing hands this terrible:

Eff stacks 3500 5/10nl. I open SB with QQ. Villain 3bets me. I 4bet big, he instacalls. Flop 456 2 spades. I check because I don’t know what the hell is going on. Villain bets pot ($800 or so). I call with absolutely no plan for the hand. Turn 8s. Neither of my QQ is Qs. The flush is out, any 7 for the straight, not to mention AKss/AA/KK or sets. I beat nothing, everything beats me - I check, intending to fold, of course. Villian insta-pushes $2400 into the turn. Something about the speed at which he pushed make me change my mind and call off the $2400 bet (this was pure tilt which my subconscious mind was trying to justify). He has 77 of course with a straight flush draw to boot. Pure vomit - it’s possible I’ve played a worse hand in my life, but I can’t remember it.

I probably played 5-7 hands almost as bad as this in the first 10-15 hours. I completely lost my mind from how bad I was running and playing. I decided there was no way I could sleep feeling so retarded and ghey. I felt how Steve Jones must feel every day. It wasn’t a good feeling.

I got out of bed, made myself some tea, and set out to redeem myself. I swore I would not finish playing until I was back to even for the session (20k is a tough goal to aim for) - this is the only time I’ve ever sworn to get even in a session (as everyone knows, this is almost always a bad idea).

But from almost that point on, I played just about the best poker of my life. I was untouchable, the beats still came, I lost 60-70% of races, but the way I was playing and the amazing hole cards I was getting, it simply didn’t matter. 10-15 hrs later, I crossed the magical 20k profit mark (breakeven for the session). I don’t think anyone has ever been so happy at winning $50 in a session as I was on Monday morning.

I solemnly swear, no matter the mitigating circumstances, I will NEVER treat money with such disrespect as my tilt insanity at the start of my huge session. I was throwing away thousands of dollars as if it was play money - so sick, I was completely numb with tilt.

And only weeks ago I was telling someone “I don’t tilt anymore”. lol. stupid retarded game this is we play…

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tilted with more tilt on horizon.

My life is ghey atm, with lots of gheyness and tilt on the horizon.

I was on a huge heater at Cake, and was up 30k a few days ago in a session before blowing back 25k of it by the end of the 35 hr session - the sickness was hi-larious.

I’ve played a few 6max FTOPS and busted out of all in hi-larious fashion.

The awesome live game right near where I live never got up again after I cleaned out the game for 11k, or it’s possible I’m no longer invited (lol @ live game politics). Metro, which is a pretty cool cardroom not far from where I live, has started up “High Stakes Thursdays”, with the equivalent of 15/30nl but you can buyin for 10k. I started pretty badly with a few coolers and found myself down about 8k when I got it all in with AA vs AK and QQ pre for 16k pot. Of course Q. Then I was slightly tilted and slightly bored, and I ate food someone ordered that wasn’t even mine even though I wasn’t hungry. Food poisoning ftw, and I enjoyed regular trips to the bathroom to throw up for the rest of the night. Finished down 10k for the session of gheyness.

The Olympics coverage here in Manila is just appalling - I don’t have the words to describe how shit it is. I’ve been on sick tilt since the Olympics started as I’m basically blacked out from watching it.

My friend Joel arrives in a couple days which should be fun before we head off to Macau for a lot of inevitable and unavoidable tilt. APT and APPT back to back = 2 x the normal tourney festival tilt and pain.

Then I’m heading to Australia for a wedding and I’ll be in QLD and Sydney for a week or two end Sept / start Oct. After that, if my life isn’t too retarded, I might start finally planning my South America scouting trip, which I’m very much looking forward to, but which I’m sure will end up being just be a whole bag of Latin-flavoured travel tilt.

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