ostriches have the best lives.

You know how when you’re a kid, and xmas is coming up, you wish you could just close your eyes and sleep through the next 19 days and wake up on xmas day? Well I want to do that right now, and wake up when the gheyness is over.

Everything has gone pear-shaped. I can’t fight the gheyness anymore - retards have taken over the world and are beating up on me as if I was a ginga.

PLDT (Philippines national net provider) is the most spasticated company in the world. There are teams of drooling retards in asylums colouring and pasting ‘novelty gifts’ together to raise money - and they’re all smarter than all PLDT’s customer support staff (who I’m almost certain moonlight for NETeller CS on evenings and weekends).

Unable to deal with any more PLDT morons today, I stormed out of the house to go watch Dark Knight, which everyone has been raving about and which I was sure would take away my tilt for 2 hours and allow me to regain my sanity. But not only did the movie basically suck (Maggie Gyllenhaal - are you serious? Who cares if she lives or dies in a movie…), but when I turned my phone back on, I find 5 messages from my maid saying PLDT servicemen had arrived and left, having done absolutely nothing to fix the ongoing issue - that issue being that I’m paying $200/month for shithouse internet which is even slower than my $80/month PLDT net at my last place (which was also shithouse). The PLDT spastics had finally put their crayons down and gotten their shit together just enough to send out a service team, and I’m sitting watching a devastatingly disappointing movie with my phone turned off purely because of PLDT-related tilt and I miss the servicemen and can’t yell at / instruct them to fix the problem.

I’m trying to teach my maid how to handle incompetent people but she appears unwilling or incapable of learning the vital skills necessary to conduct oneself effectively and with style in a world dominated by retards. After invoking many swearwords and threats as I demolished yet another PLDT moron who had the nerve to ask me “how many lights were blinking on the modem”, I slammed the phone down and said to Janine, “See, that’s how you do it - now let me see you try.”

She says, “Ok Sir!”, then picks up the phone and I could distinctly hear the Tagalog words for ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ’sir’ in her softly spoken voice, as she was placed on hold indefinitely. She’s utterly hopeless - a lost cause.

I have about 30 messages flagged in my inbox awaiting responses from people who either have screwed up something or have not delivered on previous promises and another 10 unanswered phone and text messages from people who either want various favours or want to borrow money. Everyone wants to borrow money these days, it’s a pathetic world of begging.

No one ever approaches me saying “Hey I got an idea that’s gonna make us rich!” or “Hey I got that money you lent me in 2006 which I promised I’d pay back next Friday!” - it’s just endless jokers too lazy to work who want to borrow money. I do occasionally get some small joy out of rejecting and insulting them, but most of the time, I’m too depressed even to allow myself that small pleasure and just put the phone on silent.

The AUD has overdosed on fuken Cialis 100mg tablets and I’m a whore creaking and panting under its undying vigour. I try to make myself feel better by thinking about the Zimbabwe Dollar. Get this - in 1980, one Zimbabwe Dollar was worth more than one USD. 28 years on, and its now about 70 billion (70,000,000,000) Zimbabwe dollars to 1 (one) USD. It’s against the law to hold more than Z$100 billion (just over $1) otherwise you can be arrested for hoarding funds. lol at those stupid jokers. Vote for Mugabe. Spastics.

I’m going to sleep now, and when I wake up, I hope the Olympics are starting, the AUD is back at 60c and I have 47 messages on my phone from people who owe me money desperately trying to get ahold of me to pay me back…..

Posted in Random |

4 Responses to “ostriches have the best lives.”

4 Comments »

1. Lol @ PLDT, Batman was amazing your crazy!

   Comment by sam — July 22, 2008 @ 7:38 am

2. And I thought this was going to be about ostriches

   Comment by luckyshades — July 22, 2008 @ 8:55 am

3. And how much would one tip the lovely Joylene at the Victoria Falls Hotel… one might ask… (rounding to the nearest zero?)

   Comment by Stick — July 22, 2008 @ 11:31 am

4. Agree on the PLDT front, from various interactions both business and personal.

   Sorry for dropping out for a while after the poker invite. Was drafted to play for the Philippine national rugby team in a couple of away tests….

   Gives you an idea of how far they are reaching.

   Comment by Jim — July 22, 2008 @ 9:35 pm

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