the ants went marching up the hill hurrah hurrah.

To rest my weary eyes (serious overwork eyestrain issues, need to fly overseas to see an eye specialist soon), I’ve braved the greater jungle outside my apartment and experienced the joys of live poker a few times this week, mostly just to get away from the retarded monitors that insist on firing jabs of glare and pain into my eyes non-stop.

Before you choke on your Metamusil cereal (there is always a better kind of ‘regular’), these live games aren’t your run of the mill live poker retardation. I can totally be forgiven for playing in them, and may even start to like live poker.

The games are usually shorthanded with mandatory straddle and mandatory trash-talking. Full ring live poker is a game played by weird specimens and crackpots. But last night we were playing USD 5/12/24 (live straddle) 5 or 6 handed. I think the game was playing basically like 20/40nl.

Also, what makes the game quite fun is I am probably the only nit that plays. 20/15 in that game is shameful. The best players in the game play about 40/30 if the game is 5-handed or whatever, which = fun fun. One more good thing about the game is that some very talented (rich) young guys play, which actually makes the game tolerable - absolutely nothing worse than playing with live old jokers who play 10/5 and mope when their JJ doesn’t hold up in a 4way pot.

But anyway, this post is supposed to an update on my awesome stakees. I have about 20 stakee soldiers now and they all mostly kicking ass. I’d like to expand to about 50 stakees now, so I’m opening up the application process again.

I want to target the following player/s for my staking program:

a) must be able to show medium to long term results in SNGs/cash.

b) must explain to me why they are interested in staking. Good reasons include (i) “I spent half my roll on women, drugs and alcohol and I wasted the rest.” (Bill Hicks)…(ii) “I played too high and busted my roll.” or (iii) “I just want to play stress-free on a freeroll.”

So if you’re interested in a freeroll staking deal (I let most players keep 50% of game profits on the freeroll), email me jonny@rakebackSTAT.com and show me some decent to medium low limit results and I’ll totally stake you and keep shipping you up in limits if you keep winning at each level.

I am a charitable person but this is not a charity. You will get approved if you can demonstrate reasonable success at a certain SNG level or cash game level but you’re not playing at those stakes anymore due to bankroll or stress issues. If you get rejected don’t cry on PNW please (this has happened already). Its the stakees I reject that make my stakees the best.

Once approved, I can fund your new staking accounts overnight. Also, this offer is currently only open to non-US residents. Later on, we’ll do some stuff for US players, but we need VPN / IP routing tech experts. If anyone with serious VPN or IP routing experience is reading this, please, pretty please, contact me…

Mark Vos and the legendary run-good Russian freak Roy Bhasin are setting up a new coaching/video site soon, which will have some great coaches listed. I’m going to use some of their best coaches to give 1-on-1 lessons to hard-working stakees. So it won’t be pure staking, but hopefully a tailored plan to move up in limits with the help of coaches, all with zero financial risk. I plan to get some HU coaching myself because my OOP HU play is disgusting and embarassing and, on bad days, just pathetic.

But even more exciting that Vos/Roy’s coaching site also includes a new forum their team is building. I think there is a pretty good chance it will become the largest forum in Aust-Pacific. I have given JokerNetwork so many years of my life, posting over 7000 times, and I feel the time has come to wave goodbye to those JokerNetwork jokers….

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