a tale of torture and horror…

I was subjected to brutal torture today by an evil, wicked woman who appeared intent on making me pay for past sins. For 3 hours, she had me on the rack as she wreaked havoc on my mouth with an assortment of gruesome drills and vile-tasting cements and glues and other instruments of torture and death. It was more painful than reading a Blair Rodman tourney report spam post on JokerNetwork.

At the end of the torturous 3 hours, I was a broken man and sobbing like a Collingwood footballer caught drink-driving. It’s lucky I don’t possess any state secrets cause I would have hecticly given them up to save my own skin. Braces suck and those that are responsible for them are vile, wicked people.

When the worst of the pain was over, my evil orthodontist, with a vindictive sneer, asked me how I felt. I told her she was a bad, bad person and she should be ashamed doing what she does to small children. I have a dream…that no child should ever be forced to endure what I endured today. My mouth feels like Rocco Siffredi has just had his way with it. I begged her for Vicodin or Morphine to deal with the pain but she ignored my pleading - instead she gave me paracetemol, which is like handing a shot of Hahn Light to an alcoholic.

What my orthodonist did to me today should be illegal. Punishment should be meted out accordingly. I told her I would never forgive her and that if I saw her in the street, I wouldn’t even give her a cheerio. She laughed as she thought I was joshing. I wasn’t. I don’t josh about torture. It’s not a joshing matter.

I now look something like this:

I only have to wear the braces for 6 months though, so I’m gonna spend the 6 months hiding out in the gym with my friends from MASS-TECH, who promise delivery of 10kg of pure muscle just from eating this bucket of powder:

…so the next time you jokers see me, I will look like this:

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Hilary Clinton is a dirty pirate hooker. Facing imminent defeat from a surging Obama, she’s appealed to superdelegates to vote for her when Obama heads to the Convention with the majority of pledged delegates (traditionally, superdelegates vote for the leading candidate). She also refuses to rule out a possible desperation-fueled “steal” attempt of Florida and Michigan delegates (both states were stripped of their delegates by the DNC). And she has gone dirty with her campaign, trying to paint the Obama campagin as “cult-like”.

Obama is now 1.45 favourite on Betfair for the Democratic nomination, and a 2.14 fav for the Presidency. Hilary, you are gooonne….shipppp….

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Shout-out to my 2nd most successful horsie of all-time, who almost won me 50k this morning. He ran AK into AA on final table in a huge pot to finish 6th and ship me 10k - great effort Bluebear…

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2 Responses to “a tale of torture and horror…”

2 Comments »

1. loling

   Comment by ant0s — February 19, 2008 @ 6:13 am

2. Obama just took down the Badger State (Wisconsin) and will easily win Hawaii tonight - which all but assures him of the nomination. Hillary now needs to win and win big in both Ohio and Texas next week, or Obama will be able to accept the nomination.

   Comment by luckyshades — February 20, 2008 @ 10:59 am

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