just say no to melbourne…

Larry Liddle:
“It seems to me lookin’ around, that it’s almost all women workin’ here; and that they’re all very pretty. Is that common?”
Charlie’s Wilson’s Receptionist:
“Well Congressman Wilson, he has an expression. He says uhmm….You can teach them to type, but you can’t teach them to grow tits.”

When I was going through my Aaron Sorkin obsession awhile back, I read about this script he was working on for a movie titled “Charlie Wilson’s War”. I forgot all about it until today when I was getting disillusioned with the crappiness of Dexter bemoaning the fact that West Wing and Studio 60 are kaput. I squealed and giggled with delight when I found Charlie Wilson’s War online, and I’m happy to report on its awesomeness.

I’m not a huge fan of Tom Hanks or Julia Roberts, but Philip Seymour Hoffman is great and Charlie Wilson’s gaggle of secretaries make this movie brilliant along with Sorkin’s scriptwriting.

8/10

——————-

I’m back in Manila now after an horrific month in Melbourne and despite being reunited with my awesome maid, I’m decidedly flat from Melbourne poker gheyness and Tsonga losing the AO final and costing me a fortune after he capitulated.

I have previously spoken about Melbourne being awesome, but I was embarassingly misinformed. Melbourne is a hole. 99% of taxi drivers in that city are retards, and although it is not in my nature to do so, I was forced to deliver some home truths to a few of the really ridiculous ones. The type that sit for an hour in a taxi rank, then turn off their light and claim to be off-shift when you tell them you’re going somewhere else in the city. Not every ride is a $50 airport ride, you freaking morons - become Coachtrans bus drivers, you $8/hour lazy freaks. Maybe if you didn’t sit in a taxi queue for an hour hoping for a $50 fare, you could do 10 x $10 fares and afford some f deoderant.

What’s with Melbourne taxis not having GPS? wtf? I lost count of the number of times I got into a cab, going from one landmark to another landmark, and the retard had to sit there for 10 minutes flipping through a UBD. ffs - if you don’t know how to get from King St. in the City to Chapel St. in St Kilda, maybe you shouldn’t be driving a f cab?

On our last night out, myself and two friends and 3 girls were trying to get into recovery clubs like Revolver, Viper and another hole club on Chapel St. We were turned away from each club by the bouncers, $15/hour jokes trying to escape from the fact that their principal job is to grapple with sweaty franked-out degenerates all night and then go home to their hovels in Narre Warren.

Melbourne nightlife is so far beyond retarded its ridiculous. I can understand face control, girl ratios and dress standards and all that bs if it actually works, but I don’t want to hike up my skirt and dance for a broke steroid joker at the door only to find inside its 80% guys anyway cause the monkeys at the door are letting all their tattooed freak mates in wearing 2003 Royals.

Clubs in Europe actually like money and have blindingly sensible policies. In Vilnius (Lithuania), Jethro and I were going to clubs with the following door policy:

Girls get in for free
Guys pay US$50
Someone competent taking cash so that the inbred doormen can’t let their broke schoolfriends in for free

This has the result of culling all the agressive broke bottle smashing monkeys from entering, resulting in clubs 80% girls and only a small % of guys who actually have a job and don’t need to wrap a $20 note around toilet paper on their money clip.

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6 Responses to “just say no to melbourne…”

6 Comments »

1. LMFAO! Awesome…too true. Great blog. And were the girls in Vilnius hot?

   Comment by singsing — January 30, 2008 @ 11:29 pm

2. lithuanian girls are stunning although I suspect that’s true for all of eastern europe / russia…

   Comment by Jonny Vincent — January 30, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

3. I dunno man, it always pisses me off when girls get in free and guys have to pay. Offends my sense of sexual equality. If there were a night where guys got in free and girls had to pay, none of them would bother coming… why should we put up with that shit?

   Comment by pikeamus — January 31, 2008 @ 1:01 am

4. Whos the chick in the photo?

   Comment by ant0s — January 31, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

5. Shiri Appleby - one of Charlie Wilson’s receptionists.

   Comment by Jonny Vincent — January 31, 2008 @ 12:19 pm

6. melbourne gheyness knows no bounds….

   Comment by mcd — February 4, 2008 @ 6:42 pm

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