allison stokke i love you…

I just saw a pic of this 18 year old California pole vaulter for the first time this week, and I found out today I’m the 127,349,388th person to fall in love with her since the below magical pic was posted for the first time by someone somewhere. But I love her more than the other 127,349,387 people and I think its important that she knows that.

If this girl is forced to lower herself to any form of qualifying process for the national team, it will be a sick crime, and US Athletic pen-pusher heads should roll. The guillotine will have to be reintroduced.

This is her boyfriend below. I’m too stunned to comment.

I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

manila adventures pt. 2 - getting internet…

This is one of my favourite Manila stories. To begin with, lets start at the beginning….

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a hot Thursday five weeks ago when I was on my way to Globe to get my internet connected and my wonderful apartment broker called me to ask if I wanted help with getting my internet connected. “What a conincidence!”, I tell her, “I’m on my way to Globe now.”

She tells me to come with her to PLDT (the national phone provider) as PLDT is much better than Globe, in her opinion. I happily agree and thank buddah for my good fortune.

At PLDT that wonderful Thursday five weeks ago, we sat waiting with our ticket for 2 hours and were finally called up. She assures me she has all the required paperwork and that I just need to sign the contract and my internet will be connected in a few days. Everything goes smoothly until we get to the “Proof of Income” box on the application form. My broker explains to the lady in Tagalog that I will be paying the balance of the 2 year contract in cash upfront so there is no need to worry about Proof of Income. The lady says that will be fine and tells me to expect the servicemen to come to the apartment “next week, Thursday by the latest”. They never come, not that Thursday, not any day, not ever.

I call PLDT the following week, somewhat frustrated, and they tell me they have lost my application form. I go down there, wait in line for 2hrs, fill out another application form, and leave. The lady tells me the servicemen will come “within a week”. They never come.

I decide to try my luck with Globe. I sit in a taxi for 40 minutes to get there, which in Makati peak-hour means about 6 blocks away. I enter the Globe office and wait half an hour to speak to the Globe guy behind the counter. I fill in the application, we go through the Proof of Income pain, he tells me the servicemen will come next week. They never come.

To keep my bases covered, at the same time I call up PLDT and they say they can’t find my application and would I kindly come in and fill out another one. At this stage, my patience is wearing thin. I’m losing my life’s savings playing high-stakes live NL with some Koreans who are in on a baccarat junket and the only reason I’m playing each night is because my internet is not connected. I go down and fill out a 3rd application. The lady tells me to expect the servicemen within the week. They never come.

Around this time, I call up Globe to ask why the servicemen never came. After 20 minutes, the lady finally informs me that she can’t find my application. I slam the phone down in disgust and never call back. One good thing about the Philippines, you can always choose between a number of incompetent options.

I start calling PLDT about 5 times a day by this stage, and have lost around $60-70,000 to the Koreans, running very bad, and after the first few sick beats for huge pots, I’m probably not playing very good either. I am very frustrated. After almost a month of no internet yet, I pass a PLDT serviceman on the street (I noticed the badge) and bribe him a huge amount to come up and connect my internet illegally. He does so, but can only connect me to the very basic plan, which is the equivalent of about 56k modem speed of 1998. I go into PLDT the following day to upgrade my illegally connected internet to the maximum speed they have, after spending many painful hours talking to PLDT customer service on the phone. Those of you who know me know how lazy I am, or how much I hate waiting in line, so you can understand the level of stupidity I was up against with the phone staff for me to physically walk down to PLDT and wait in line for another 2 hours to get them to organise the upgrade.

EVERY time I call PLDT on the phone, the conversation begins like this. I say “Hi, my name is Jonny Vincent, my account number is xxxxx, my SO number (don’t ask, I don’t know what that is) is xxxxx. I am following up on my internet broadband connection.” They look at their computer and either tell me they can’t find my file, in which case I have learned to immediately hang up and call back to get another operator (they never connect me to another operator or a manager, despite my hundreds of pleas) or they find my file and say, “Jonny Vincent, (read out my address), is that you?” I say “Yes!”. They then always say, “And who am I speaking to?”

I get to PLDT Makati, wait in line for 90min, my number gets called - the lady opens up the computer files, swings me the screen and there are THREE Jonny Vincent entries all with the exact same address. She says with a blank face, “Which one are you?” omg I know I am in for a painful afternoon.

I reply, “Wow this is definitely a tricky one Ma’am. Hmm let me see. This is quite the riddle. We have 3 identical entries, all of which are the same name, and the exact same address, right down to the unit number, which one do YOU think i am?”

20 min later I’m still sitting there as she talks to various departments in Tagalog, including one call back with lots of laughing that sounds a lot like a close friendly matter UNRELATED to my issue. It turns out (of course) they never lost my applications but that my internet was not being switched on because I had never provided them with Proof of Income.

I’m trying to stay calm as my mind races back to that hot Thursday morning when my wonderful broker explained to the lady I would be paying the entire contract in cash and hence didn’t need proof of income and was assured there would be no problem. I think about the $65,000 I lost to the Koreans and wonder what I could have done with that money.

I try calmly explaining to the lady that I am self-employed and that I would like to pay the entire contract in cash upfront and hence don’t need to give her Proof of Income. She looks at me suspiciously as if I’m a bum off the street who just found a computer in a wheelie bin and am trying to scam her for free internet.

She says, “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m really going to need to see some Proof of Income.”

My patience is wearing somewhat thin by this stage. I was on my way to buy a computer and monitor and I have 200,000 pesos (about $5000) on me. I slam the bricks down on the counter and say very slowly: “I…want…to…pay…the…entire..contract…upfront…in…cash.”

She says, “I really need to see some paperwork.”

I pull out an HSBC bank statement and show her the balance where it says I have 1.5 million pesos in a local bank account. She says, “I really need to see some Proof of Income.” She pauses, trying to think how to explain this to me better, as if I’m stupid, “From your employer,” she adds.

I explain to her that I’m self-employed and that I would like to pay the entire amount in cash upfront…right now. My voice is rising by this stage, and she is losing patience with my stupidity. She grabs the application form in anger, and points to where the box says, “Proof of Income Required”. She yells, “Rules are rules Sir.”

I’m about to lose my mind. At this stage, another PLDT lady walks over to her counter and says, “What’s the problem?” I explain that I would like to pay the entire amount for the 2 year contract in cash right now and that I don’t have Proof of Income because I don’t have a job here in the Philippines. She says, “No problem” - takes my cash - hands me receipt - tells me the serviceman will arrive “tomorrow” and that she is truly very sorry for all the misunderstanding. Relief floods over me as I walk out of the PLDT building clutching my receipt like a smack addict who just scored a hit.

I wait all day at home the next day and they never arrive. The following day, I call up PLDT to ask why the servicemen never came as promised. The goes exactly like this:

Me: “Hello, my name is Jonny Vincent, my Account number is xxxxx, my SO number is xxxxx, I’m calling to ask about my broadband internet.”

Him: “Ok let me see. This is Jonny Vincent from (says my address)?”

Me: “Yes. That’s me.”

Him: “And who am I speaking to?”

Me (gritting my teeth): “Ah, that would be Jonny Vincent.”

Him: “Ok let me see. Hmmm…Sir do you mind if I put you on hold?”

Me: “Yes.”

Him (confused): “I’ll be right back.” I am then placed on hold.

(15 minutes of painful music)

Him: “Thank you for holding. I’m sorry Sir but there seems to be a problem with your application. Can you please come down to PLDT Makati and fill out another application?”

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

my sucky hands Vol 1….

As I have bagged Wasicka today and plan on bagging more people in the future, I thought I’d post some recent hands that I either know I played badly or suspect I played badly with some comments. I read a lot of poker forum stuff each day, and usually don’t feel like posting much poker stuff here, but with the nature of my recent posts, my blog title is a little misleading.

I still make so many retarded plays, and my hand logic is often just bad - that’s the only word for it. In this series of hands, you’ll be able to judge for yourself.

—————–

Hand 1:

No HH as this was on Bodog and my Dogwatch is retarded and not working. So no stats on players either.

4 player 10/20 (all players are good, but I have a lot of history with one of them and I think I can exploit that as I’ve been playing v. tight against him lately multi-tabling 5/10 and I suspect he’s noticed - but I should have left this table nonetheless).

eff stacks 100bb

I am UTG with QQ and raise pot. The other 3 players all call and we see a family flop of J-5-3 (2 hearts).

Checked to me, I bet 180, button folds, SB folds, my nemesis in BB minraises me. I’m usually good enough to fold here, as the pot is already large, so the minraise is a setup for a turn push allin from him. As this player makes so many moves against me and because of the flush draw, I decided I’m going to take the hand to showdown, and decide he’s going to push turn whether he’s on a move or not, so I just call the minraise.

Turn is 8h and he insta-pushes. I have the Qh and feel pretty good about the call at the time. He has 55, I miss my heart/Q outs and he stacks me.

I think I played this hand pretty bad. In hindsight, I realised he probably knows my c-betting ratio into 4-way flops is not that high, so the spot is not that great for him to make a move. I fell into the trap of locking this player into the image I have of him (wild and tricky) and didn’t think about the spot. Hand rating for me: 2/10. Hand rating for him: 9/10.

—————–

Hand 2:

My opponent here was either new to the site or has a new name, but he was sitting on four 10/20 tables, a couple of them with large stacks so I assumed he was a pretty solid LAG.

$10/$20 Blinds No Limit Hold’em
Table “No Info Calldown - Feels Dirty but Hmmm…” (Real Money)
Seat 7 is the button
Total number of players : 5
Seat 4: BB ( $288 )
Seat 5: UTG ( $1998 )
Seat 6: Cutoff ( $2781 )
Seat 7: Button ( $2000 )
Seat 8: Hero SB ( $1986 )
Hero posts small blind [$10].
BB posts [$20].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [ Kh Qc ]
UTG folds.
Cutoff raises [$80].
Button folds.
Hero calls [$70].
BB folds.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 6c, Qh, 9s ]
Hero checks.
Cutoff bets [$160].
Hero calls [$160].
** Dealing Turn ** [ 3s ]
Hero checks.
Cutoff bets [$420].
Hero calls [$420].
** Dealing River ** [ 3d ]
Hero checks.
Cutoff bets [$1120].
Hero calls [$1120].
** Summary **
Cutoff shows [ 9h Qd ].
Hero mucks.
Cutoff collected [$3576].

Ahhh this was a tough one. I dunno. I didn’t put him on Q9, set of 9’s or 6’s well within any 10/20 player’s range of course, but I didn’t think he’d be playing a set that strongly (what’s he protecting against, JT?) and I was sure he would check AQ for pot control on turn. The action suggested monster or air, and in my experience, this is usually air or a missed draw here far more often than monster.

In hindsight, my turn call here was pretty bad. The worst of all streets and the worst option of the 3 I had on the turn. I think I should fold>push>call here on the turn. God, that was a ghey call by me, because when I called that turn, I was committing to call most rivers, and the repeat 3 looked like a pretty good card for my hand.

Hand rating for me: 4/10. Hand rating for him: 7/10.

—————————–

Hand 3:

This hand made me feel super retarded after it played out, but when I was making the plays, I thought they were wonderful. I sucked really bad all day thinking I was making great plays that were terrible.

The BB here is 33/21/1.2
The Cutoff Fish is 41/26.2.6

$10/$20 Blinds No Limit Hold’em
Table “Isolating Fish Super Expensive” (Real Money)
Seat 4 is the button
Total number of players : 5
Seat 1: Cutoff SUPER MEGA FISH ( $730 )
Seat 4: Button ( $2183 )
Seat 5: Hero SB ( $2649 )
Seat 7: BB ( $2296 )
Seat 8: UTG ( $350 )
Hero posts small blind [$10].
BB posts [$20].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Hero [ As 9h ]
UTG folds.
Cutoff calls [$20].
Button folds.
Hero calls [$10]. This is where I should have raised to isolate.
BB checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5h, Ac, 4h ]
Hero bets [$57].
BB calls [$57].

At this stage, I put him on a draw, probably flush

Cutoff raises [$174].

The fish had just lost 3/5th’s of his stack open-limping A3o and getting it all in on a AQ9 rainbow flop. I think I am WAY ahead of his range.

Hero raises [$234].

I thought a min-raise here would serve 2 functions, drive out BB’s draw as he HAS to know the fish will push if he calls, and to entice the fish to push on me with his short-stack.

BB calls [$234].

Plan failed, but I think he has just made a tactical error and still has a draw. I decide I am a genius and that he has a bad flush draw and possibly a gutshot, and doesn’t want to play it aggressively because he knows the fish will call. This was probably really bad logic in hindsight.

Cutoff raises [$536].
Hero raises [$838].

This is where I go super-crazy, as I’m almost certain I’ve got the fish beat, and I think there is still a really good chance the BB is on a draw. I decide my 2nd minraise of the betting round is super crafty, as it represents “real strength”.

BB raises [$1985].

Shit.

Hero folds.
** Dealing Turn ** [ Kh ]
** Dealing River ** [ Jh ]
** Summary **
Cutoff shows [ 5s Ah ].
BB shows [ 5c Ad ].
Cutoff collected [$2186].
BB collected [$1985].

Ironically, I only lose a couple hundred more in this hand than if I’d played it perfectly, as there is no way Cutoff fish is folding if I raise pre, and no way I’m folding once I hit against him with his stack.

——————

Any comments welcome, positive or negative. You have to register first in a quick, painless process before posting as my blog got hit with hundreds of sex spams a day awhile back.

Posted in Online Cash | 1 Comment »

Wasicka clueless donkey…

Awhile back, I pointed out that Paul Wasicka is retarded. This is what I said about Wasicka’s play on HSP:

“Wasicka’s 200,000 turn all-in into a 65k pot with top and bottom two pair against sbrugby is just horrendous. I really lost any respect I had for Wasicka after his turn check-raise against Farha and this turn insanity against sbrugby. I mean, this is basic stuff - any winning 2/4nl player understands basic concepts like “don’t bet three times the pot to close out the action”. This is really as basic as it gets.”

Poker Crack - HSP Tilts Me

Check out this hand from just another tourney donkey:

Full Tilt Poker Game #2485667223: Table Canosa (6 max) - $100/$200 - No Limit Hold’em - 17:35:09 ET - 2007/05/22
Seat 1: LucLongley ($20,200)
Seat 2: Paul Wasicka ($35,745)
Seat 3: 93TilInfinity ($46,323)
Seat 4: mjorgenson13 ($25,244)
Seat 5: Genius28 ($20,000)
Seat 6: tay ($37,237)
LucLongley posts the small blind of $100
Paul Wasicka posts the big blind of $200
The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***
93TilInfinity folds
mjorgenson13 folds
Genius28 folds
tay raises to $700
LucLongley folds
Paul Wasicka raises to $2,100
tay calls $1,400
*** FLOP *** [Qd Kh Qs]
Paul Wasicka bets $2,000
tay calls $2,000
*** TURN *** [Qd Kh Qs] [7s]
Paul Wasicka checks
tay bets $6,150
Paul Wasicka has 15 seconds left to act
Paul Wasicka raises to $31,645, and is all in
tay calls $25,495
Paul Wasicka shows [Js Kc]
tay shows [Qh Qc]
*** RIVER *** [Qd Kh Qs 7s] [4s]
Paul Wasicka shows two pair, Kings and Queens
tay shows four of a kind, Queens
tay wins the pot ($71,587) with four of a kind, Queens
Paul Wasicka is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $71,590 | Rake $3
Board: [Qd Kh Qs 7s 4s]
Seat 1: LucLongley (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: Paul Wasicka (big blind) showed [Js Kc] and lost with two pair, Kings and Queens
Seat 3: 93TilInfinity didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 4: mjorgenson13 didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 5: Genius28 didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 6: tay (button) showed [Qh Qc] and won ($71,587) with four of a kind, Queens

——–

I’m speechless.

sbrugby’s comment on this hand on CardRunners: “In my opinion Paul played this hand about as poorly as he could have.”

lol thanks Brian.

Posted in High Stakes Poker | 1 Comment »

president bush is a moron….

“When you go
Will you still have the guts to say
Hey, I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday.”
- My Chemical Romance

I watched President Bush address the press corps today on CNN. He spoke about Iraq (understandably full of glee that the gutless Democrats backed down and gave him money to continue the war), he spoke about Iran (we’re gonna have some problems with those guys in a few years, but thankfully my oil stocks are shooting up - GO WPL ROC!), and he spoke about immigration (he’s introducing a bill to allow Mexican and Central American workers to come into the country to do all the dirty jobs the McDonalds-scoffing Americans don’t want to do). What a liberal. It’s obvious Bush has only just discovered youporn.com and worked out that, yes, Latin girls are super hot (see below). OPEN the borders, you moron - let them all in! Move the Mexican border patrol up to the Canadian border - no one wants those pot-smoking hippies crossing into the US and spreading their liberal, pansy-ass ideas around. Eh?

I watched the entire Bush interview and when he quickly walked off without addressing the No. 1 issue facing the world at the moment, I was disgusted. I almost vomited in my G&T. I was so angry I just about threw my laptop at my brand new James Alexander Cox Zero baller LCD TV. Thankfully, sanity prevailed and my TV still has most of its pixels, but my anger did NOT subside.

Bush didn’t mention the recent canceling of the Gilmore Girls once - not even freaking ONCE!

Bush will go down as the worst president in US history not because he invaded another country under false pretences to control the supply of oil which will, ironically, be the death of us all in the end when the world heats up like 16 year old on exstacy at a trance concert. He won’t go down as the worst president in US history because he was easily the most stupid person ever elected (or not-elected) president. He won’t be remembered for failing to find Bin Laden or for inciting anti-American hatred around the world, or for pretty much doing nothing positive at all during eight years in the job.

He will be lambasted, ridiculed, flamed, vilified and mocked in the history books because Gilmore Girls ended on his watch. And he just sat there, played golf and did nothing to stop the madness. What does this joker think his veto powers are for?

He’s sitting there fretting over wars, practising his golf swing, and worrying about terrorism (which kills about as many people per year in the US as Weil’s Disease). But the world is ending right under his very nose. Gilmore Girls is cancelled and 700,000 people per year die of heart disease in the US - Bush, you moron, save the nukes for McDonalds.

When corrupt, immoral, dirty scumbag production companies can SELFISHLY end the greatest show ever without government intervention, well I think we should do away with government. The blood of every person that OD’s on Stilnox and Spritzers because Gilmore Girls is now over is on his hands. “Now watch this drive!” Moron.

I wish I never even voted for him. I definitely WILL NOT be voting for him next year - not even if he convinced Alexis Bedel to give me a massage with a happy ending.

Posted in Random | 2 Comments »

awesome online poker service…

A friend of mine who plays mid/high NL dropped $23,000 over a couple days on the site he plays.

He received this email from customer support:

—

xxxx, I have been assessing your Poker account details, and I see that you have been having a bad run of play on your Poker account recently. For such a skillful and valuable player, I can understand that this might be very frustrating for you. I am sure that we will see you winning again soon.

We credited your account with a $20 Loyalty bonus right now, just to say thank you for playing with us.

I will be holding thumbs for you and I hope to see you playing and
winning big soon! If you need anything, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you for your patronage.

Kind regards
Kevin

—

Kevin is the best.

Posted in Random | 3 Comments »