utilities disconnection tilt…

“Wow, that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands. They’re like mini-adventures for undesirables.”
- Karen Walker (Will & Grace)

I’m moving to Manila in a couple weeks (not going to Caribbean anymore unfortunately as we left it too late to get the flights/tickets we wanted) so I needed schedule the disconnection of all my utilities. I had to interrupt my progress through the AWESOME show that is Will & Grace to get this done - here is a sample of the awesome scriptwriting on Will & Grace (Karen and Jack are simply the best):

Jack: So we need to get them back together, but how? Pretend to think, pretend to think.
Karen: Pretend to care, pretend to care.
Jack: Oh, I’ve got it. What we need is a plan. Some way to get them in the same room together.
Karen: Oh honey, that’s genius, write that down. Oh, wait, not on that, that’s for Will and Grace, that’s an invitation to Joe and Larry’s kid’s birthday party.
Jack: Oh yeah, I got one of these too. Anyway, enough about that. We have to figure out a way to get them in the same room so they can work it out. But how? Ow, I just got a paper cut on this party invitation for Will and Grace.
Karen: Focus. We’re trying to get them in the same room together. Forget about this party they’re both invited to. Now, what do they both like?
Jack: Well, Will likes to be taller than everyone, and Grace likes to eat cake.
Karen: Where can we take them where there’ll be small people eating cake?
[takes a sip of wine]
Karen: Oh, shoot, I just spilled on this invitation to a child’s birthday party.
[pauses]
Karen: Hey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Jack: I don’t know, are you thinking what it would be like to have Spiderman spray his web on you?
Karen: Okay that’s just freaky.

—

Here is some more Karen awesomeness (I think I’m in love with Karen):

Karen: [to Gillian the intern] Hi, honey. Sit down!
Gillian: What’s going on, what’s happening, what’s this all about?
Karen: I’ve got something tough to tell you. Uh, I’m fabulous, okay? I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half, and I’ve got a killer rack. Do you get what I’m saying?
Gillian: Not really.
Karen: Honey, you’re not me, and you never will be.
Gillian: [pointing to her chest] Is it the rack?
Karen: [laughing and shaking her head] “It’s a big part of it. Now, you’re never going to be me, but, you got a good chance to be Grace, and that’s nothing to sneeze at, honey, you shouldn’t throw it away so quickly.”
Gillian: But Grace, she’s just not us.
Karen: Bup-bupbupbupbupbup, watch your mouth, or I’ll wash it out with cheap vodka. That’s my little girl you’re talking about. Now, Grace is a damn good role model. She’s bright, she’s successful, she’s the worst dresser in the whole wide world, she’s talented and I look up to her. Honey, why else would I be here?
Gillian: You told me it’s because you hate being home with Stan and the kids.
Karen: [laughing and shaking her head] It’s a big part of it.
Gillian: Hey, can I still use the word “honey”?
Karen: What? Ohhhhhhhh no.

—

Anyway, I had to pause all this fun to call about 30 utilities, government departments, insurance and super companies, etc etc to cancel services and change addresses. I remember the last time I had to do this, it took me a couple months to recover. But I was in good spirits and confident I would not go through the hell I went through last time I attempted this ambitious mountainous task.

I was wrong.

I spent no less than 4 hours either on hold or being transferred or talking to the biggest morons I have ever had the pleasure of dealing with. How freakin hard can it be to pick up a phone, go through the security checks and then replace one address with another? Apparently, very difficult. I don’t blame the people I had to deal with today, I blame the Australian school system for putting these people into the real world unequipped to comprehend simple instructions or perform simple tasks.

The worst hour of the four hours was spent dealing with Optus. After waiting on the phone for 20min, I got through, only to find that the initial Optus staff member had transferred me to Sales and not to broadband disconnection. Another 15min later, I was able to go through the process to schedule my disconnect date for a couple weeks from now. I was very careful to emphasise the date for disconnection, and even made the monkey repeat the date so there would not be any confusion. I got off the phone and my internet had been disconnected. After another 15min on hold, I get through to a surprisingly competent staff member who looked at my file and said: “Yes, I can clearly see where he has written 5th April yet he’s disconnected it today. I’ll have to call you back once I sort it out.”

Sarah Jessica Parker where do these freakin morons come from. An hour later, I finally had my internet reconnected and the guy said I have to call back in and schedule the disconnection again. I’m so relieved at getting back online, I don’t even make a scene. Another 20 minutes later, including two line disconnections, I finally get the simple task of scheduling my broadband to be disconnected only one hour and a half after I dialled Optus for the first of about 17 times.

That was only the worst of a number of tilt-inducing exchanges with people who really shouldn’t be allowed to drive or have kids.

—-

On a brighter note, I’m gonna win just under 2k when Heather Mills’ leg falls off on Dancing With the Stars - thank you Bodog!

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One Response to “utilities disconnection tilt…”

1 Comment »

1. Nice.Now,as everybody knows,everything is bigger(not necessarily better) in America….Has the misfortune of renting a car from Budget this xmas.We arrive in Chicago at 10pm on xmas eve.Very quiet airport at this time and I’m thinking “this is nice,we should be out of here in no time”.Famous last words….Of course their counter is closed,so we go to their main office at O’Hare.20 people in line,2 people behind the counter,one guy,one girl,and these are the slowest people I’ve ever seen!! To many things to point out here,my favorite though,they had one(one being the key word)walkie talkie to communicate w the people out on the lot getting the cars ready.Whenever he needed to use it,he aked the chick to bring it over.She did,leaving the costumer she was helping,then patiently waited for a few minutes,by his side,made sure he finished his conversation,took the w/t and moved 3 feet to the right,back to her costumers.This happend about every 10 mins.A wonderful way of spending christmas eve.No worries though,at 2am we got our car…Troubles over?? Not so much!

   A week later,new years eve to be exact,we’re flying out back to Denver.I drop of the car,but am told by the girl in the lot I need to go in the office to get a reciept.I do,and guess who is working!!This time though there’s only 2 people in line so I naively think that this will be ok.20 mins later there’s 2 people in line,and a finally lost my cool.I got a plane to catch in less than 2 hrs,so I get hold of a manager,which turns out to be a little zitfaced shit who says that he cant get me a reciept until I’m front of the line.I tell him to spend more of his paycheck on clearasil and figure screw this,I’ve got a reciept that says I delivered the car,so I leave.

   1 week later the nice people of Budget send me a letter saying you owe us $26000.Needless to say they have no record of me giving their car back.After 2 days of non-stop ph calls some vice pres of something finally admits that,oh yeah,we’ve found the car,it was on our lot,but we didnt register it because it’s so old that it’s supposed to be sold.

   The end? Well….

   Two weeks after that,I get another letter,this time asking for $1000 because I celivered the car back to them 3 weeks late.

   Cue 3 more days of ph calls,faxes and emails,before some half competent dimwit finally admitted that they were probably in the wrong.

   This was 2 months ago,and I’m still waiting for them to send me papers confirming I don’t owe them anything….

   Comment by EspenB — March 22, 2007 @ 10:01 am

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